Mishenichnas Adar Marbim B'stress

Purim is in a week and a half.  The costumes, the parties, the mishloach manot, the stress!  And, as a woman, I don't even get the joys of it all.  It's not "modest" to wear costumes OR drink.  As usual, the guys and the kids have all the fun.  Funny how this USED to be my favorite holiday.
And, just for added laughs, Purim only means one thing--Pesach is a month off.  Happy cleaning!

Going nuts about nuts

Remember peanut butter sandwiches?  Once upon a time, school lunches meant a brown bag or colorful lunchbox with the requisite peanut butter sandwich, carrot sticks or fruit, juice box or thermos, and whatever dessert was most heavily advertised on TV. 
Sadly, our kids will never know the delight of the peanut butter sandwich in their school lunches.  Many schools, including the one where the Things have their Sunday program, are peanut-free.  My darling little Things go to their Sunday program with cream cheese sandwiches.
Now, I am aware that some people have peanut allergies so severe that even being in the same room with a peanut-based product will cause that person to go into anaphylactic shock and die.  But for the love of Planter's, how many people are like that?  And if peanut allergies are truly on the rise, how much of it is our fault?
Years ago, I knew someone who avoided peanuts during pregnancy.  Her rationale was that she didn't want her kids becoming allergic in utero.  Well, I took the opposite approach.  Not only did I eat peanuts and peanut butter while pregnant, I gave my kids peanut butter when they were toddlers.  Guess what?  Neither of them has a peanut allergy. 
In a way, I think the hysteria fuels the rise.  Our environments are so sterile that everything becomes an allergy.  By avoiding peanuts, we may be turning them into a pathogen through lack of exposure.

Baby bling

When Thing 1 was born, my in-laws (after getting over their collective horror that I refused to name her solely for my mother-in-law, but hey, I have dead relatives too) asked me the first of what would be many questions about her upbringing.  "Nu, when are you going to take her for earrings?"  When she's old enough to take care of them herself.  First of all, my kids will have their fill of holes poked in them with all the vaxes they get (although I postponed the chicken-pox shot as long as I could--the jury's still out on it's effectiveness.).  Secondly, while an older child can appreciate earrings, I doubt a baby will.  All they'll know is that someone is punching a hole in their little ears and putting in some heavy metal thing and it HURTS!  And third, why does someone who doesn't even know what ears are need bling in them?  Call me old-fashioned, but we can save it for when they're older.
Unfortunately, the bling doesn't just end with baby earrings.  For little girls in this community, everything from hats to outfits to pacifier clips have the potential to be studded with rhinestones.  And that's if you avoid the gold and fake ruby bracelets meant to ward off ayin hara.  Moreover, it doesn't end with babies.  Somehow both animal prints and sequins are considered appropriate attire for children as young as four.  Again, I tend to err on the side of conservative when it comes to dressing my children (the Things' fall clothes come courtesy of the good people of French Toast, and their spring clothes are usually floral skirts and jumpers with pastel long-sleeve T's), but to my mind, leopard prints and sequins belong on grown women in Vegas, not on little girls in Boro Park.
And now it's time to savor the irony.
We live in a society that puts so much emphasis on modesty that even a picture of women's shoes--minus the woman--is deemed too immodest for publication.  Then, we turn around and dress our young children in attention-getting sequined tank tops (over shells, of course--because an elbow is more attention getting than all those sparkles), rhinestones, and jewelry. 
Incidentally, the epilogue to the earring story referenced above--my SIL did talk me into getting Thing 1's ears pierced when she was 2.  Then the holes got infected and closed up. She wants to take Thing 2, now age four for a piercing, and I say wait until they're 12.  The risk of infection is enough to make me leery of a repeat performance.

Ice queen

There is something very freeing about ice skating. When the rink is crowded, when the ice is pitted, when I have to steer around fallen skaters, frightened skaters, and trick skaters alike, and when I have to keep my balance while maneuvering on two thin steel blades, it leaves no mental energy to brood on my troubles or anyone else's. Even in a crowded city rink, it's just me and the ice. And that's very liberating.

Parshat Yitro--How many commandments?

Quick question--How many mitzvot are there is the Ten Commandments?
This sounds like one of those "what color is an orange" questions.  I mean, it's called the Ten Commandments, so the answer is right there, right?  Ten, duh.
Wrong.

Turns out Mel Brooks wasn't too far off.  The correct answer, according to Maimonides, is fourteen.  The Second Commandment has four mitzvot (don't take any other gods, don't make idols, don't bow to an idol, and don't worship an idol in any way that does not involve bowing), and the Fourth Commandment has two (acknowledge Shabbos, and don't do any work on Shabbos.)

What did I sign up for--Thoughts on abuse

When I was still in San Diego and grappling with my Jewish identity, I read the book Shanda.  It's the story of a self-hating Jewish journalist who rediscovers his connection to Yiddishkeit with the help of the prominent Chabad rabbi Manis Friedman.  After reading the book, I thought that Manis Friedman would be an interesting person to know.
Now I'm not so sure.
Recently, Rabbi Manis Friedman released a video on YouTube where he basically blasted those who were abused for being victims and not getting on with their lives.  While the original has been taken down due to the widespread backlash (bloggers such as BrooklynWolf, FailedMessiah, and Rabbi Harry Maryles all condemned the video in the strongest possible terms), nothing ever really disappears from the Internet.   Despite the apologetic video posted the next day, Friedman's words will live on.  And they should serve as a warning to all those who seek to enter this community.  There is a poison here.  And it won't go away anytime soon.

Stepford Wives--The Club!

For those of who who missed the Stepford Wives (and I am still trying to purge the 2004 remake from my mind--this post is only going to reference the Ira Levin novel and the 1975 film), the story is pretty simple.  An aspiring photographer, her lawyer husband, and their two daughters leave Manhattan for the suburb of Stepford, CT.  Joanna, the photographer, notices that almost every woman in Stepford is obsessed with domestic chores, dresses like a runway model, and looks gorgeous.  And they idolize their husbands.  However, there are a few exceptions--a couple of new arrivals who have other interests.  And then, they change.  Finally, just as Joanna is about to flee, she finds out the truth.  The local Men's Association has been bumping off the wives and replacing them with docile, beautiful robots.  The story was intended as a satire, and a warning about the need for feminism in a world where women are still expected to fill that role and be nothing more.
It was never intended as a suggestion.
While Googling the book and movie, I found there is an actual Stepford Wives Organization.  Turns out it's a group of housewives in Connecticut (surprise!) who have taken the Levin novel as a how-to guide, rather than a warning.  The group emphasizes submission to husbands, dressing conservatively but feminine outside the home and like some sleazy pin-up in the bedroom, working only if the husband asks, and being the perfect stay-at-home mom.  From their website:

Stepford Wives Organization is a website that supports the idea of the homemaking wife who is not only the cheery domestic goddess, but a fantastic dresser, neat as a pin, a lady with good manners, and a gracious, well-behaved, obedient wife who always puts her man first.

Stepford Wives Organization supports and promotes the Stay-At-Home-Mother.

Stepford Wives Organization celebrates the good housekeeping days of the 1950s.

Stepford Wives Organization also believes in the freedom for anyone and everyone to pursue their dreams. We never have a cross word to say about other people's decisions to lead their lives. If we have an opinion- which is seldom- we speak quietly to our husbands in the privacy of our homes. If we have an opinion on the matter, it would be our husband's opinion.

My personal favorite is the "Dressing" section--women are not only encourage to diet down to a frail figure, but are expected to adopt a hyperfeminine, "Daddy's Little Girl" look--ruffles, bows, tight dresses and skirt suits.  First of all, asking a grown woman to dress like "Daddy's Little Girl"--yeah, there's nothing pervy there.  Secondly, what message are we trying to send?  Most men would rather have a smart, competent woman as a lifelong companion, rather than a simpering idiot whose every thought is how can I please my may-unn.

In the "Pleasing Men" section, they take advice from the anti-feminist backlash literature of the 1960s and 1970s, including Fascinating Womanhood (written as a direct response to The Feminine Mystique), and Marabel Morgan's Total Woman.  Their etiquette section even goes so far as to suggest that women skip dinner in order to be on call while their husbands eat!  (And what could be better to keep that trim waist than living on the brink of an eating disorder?)

Now, I don't live in Connecticut, and these women wouldn't give me the time of day (From their blog: "none of us are Muslims or Jews"), so why does this bother me?  Because women like this vote (although they will only do so if they vote like their husbands)!  They have an Internet presence!  They may have countless people who agree with them!  (There is a blog called Ladies Against Feminism that wants to repeal the Nineteenth Amendment.  And then there's Debi Pearl, and her Created to Be His Help Meet, which essentially advocated the same thing.  People like this exist.)  While it's ideal for a husband and wife to mutually respect each other, organizations such as this are not advocating respect between two adults of comparable intelligence and ability, but a domineering man having complete sway over the simpering, passive, submissive girl-child that he now controls.  Even under the best of circumstances that can lead to resentment.  And when the circumstances are not the best--domestic abuse, isolation from friends and family, marital rape, financial control...

Again, please note that all links are for informational purposes ONLY.  I do not advocate any of the views presented in any of the websites linked.