Monday, July 16, 2012

It's more than socialization

Recently, Queen Mom had an idea.  Why not take the Things upstate for a week, rent a bungalow in a colony, and then, instead of just hanging out there, going out and doing all the fun, woodsy, outdoorsy stuff we want to do with them?  Go hiking, find a stable and go riding, maybe even do some fishing?  Sounds good to me.  Last night, I saw an ad for a bungalow that could be rented by the week.  When I called up, Builder whispered  "Ask about the people who stay there?  Are they Satmar, Skvere, Modern?"  So, I asked.
"What school do your kids go to?"  Seriously.  This was the woman's response.
Obviously, no one knows what to do with the homeschooled kids, but who knew?  Who knew that everything about you and your compatibility with others could be defined by Bais Yaakov vs. Prospect? 
Personally, I hate pigeonholing.  When I was in San Diego, I hated people pigeonholing me on the basis of my age and marital status.  So what?  After 21, age ceases to matter unless you're cheese.  And as for marital status, I've seen people get married at 18, and I've seen them get married at 80.  It says nothing about the person.  So, just because I'm single and 22, I can be written off as a kid?  I hated it then.  I still hate it.
Now, the only pigeonholing seems to be in the form of which bus you ride in the morning.  (Or, don't ride, hehehe.)  However, it can be determined, according to a total stranger, that I would or would not be a good fit because of something so insignificant as a school choice?  What if I lived in a place where there was only one school?  What then?
But this points to an even bigger problem.  There are too many wedges in the frum world as it is.  If we can get to apoint where we tell people "If you're not X, don't bother coming here," then we've already lost.  We're still living out the Churban.  And it will replay, again and again, unless we change our attitude.
Just a little something for the Three Weeks.


  1. Did you find a good bungalow? If not, check out Bear Mountain, it's close enough to kosher food (and lodging), but far enough from all meshugas.

  2. Maybe she just asked to make conversation?

  3. No, it was asked directly in response to the "what kind of crowd is there" question.

  4. I was once told a story by a Rav about how he knew a lady who was told her daughter couldn't play with a friend from school. Why? Did the friend have a television or something like that in her house? Well no, but she did play with kids who had TV's and this lady didn't want her daughter playing with anyone who plays with someone who has a TV!

  5. Well, in her defense, your husband started it. It doesn't make things easier when your husband is MO machmir but thinks he's chasidic or something... (sticks his nose up at people similar to himself). BTW, if you're 36 and single, you're still dismissed as a kid. So I should marry someone I don't want to be around? I don't warm up to people so easily and the guys I like never seem to like me back. Spending the rest of your lives with someone is huge commitment to make to someone you don't care about.


I'm not Monty Python. I hate SPAM.