Thursday, May 9, 2013

Keeping the faith

Since I left Builder about two weeks ago, I've gotten a range of responses.  Surprisingly, most of them have been very supportive.  Chavie, of course, had reservations.  After all, how could my family possibly make it without a may-unn?(This was after I had explained that Builder had not treated me the way a husband should treat a wife--in pretty much every possible sense.)  But among my supporters, I've gotten one response almost universally from those who knew me before Brooklyn.
"Hey, so you're leaving Orthodoxy, right?"
I left my husband, not my faith.  The Torah is not responsible for Builder's behavior.  If anything, it condemns his actions in the strongest possible terms.  Judaism is a beautiful religion with many wonderful teachings about the way we should treat each other.  Moreover, there are also the Things to consider.  Thing 1 is already six years old--old enough to know about Shabbos, kashrut, and good middos.  She has spent the better part of the past year learning various mitzvot, and the better part of her life reading the parsha.  I'm sorry, but divorce causes enough upheaval in children's lives as it is.  Why add in the stress of "You know all the mitzvot we spent your entire life teaching you are important?  Well--they're not."  I'm sorry, but that seems like a really screwed up thing to do to your kids.  Finally, as I have spent the entirely of this blog explaining, the religion is not the community.  It's certainly not a marriage.
See you in shul!


  1. Why even mention your children's needs as an explanation for keeping the faith? Since you are a believer, you would stay whether or not you even had kids. Right?

    You are in my thoughts, and I hope you are doing OK.

  2. There is a saying: don't confuse Jews with Judaism and Torah with Rabbis. Kept me going as I was becoming disillusioned with some goings on in frum circles.

  3. Glad to hear this, hope you are doing well. You are doing the right thing, and are in my thoughts and prayers.

    From your Reform friend in MN, via LJF.

    Shabbat Shalom, I'm off to Torah study.


  4. If anything, this will hopefully allow you to be the kind of Jew that you have wanted to be. I hope you are doing okay. Sending you brachos!



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