Friday, May 24, 2013

Losing my community, finding myself

Being in Boro Park post-separation is an odd experience.  The city that I have called home for almost eight years is now openly hostile territory.  Part of the problem is that it's so small.  The entire Boro Park/Flatbush area is only about 30 blocks by 20 blocks.  Part of the problem is that Builder is connected.  Very connected.  I can't even go to the store without running into either one of my in-laws or one of his friends.  Or both.  (So far, I haven't run into him outside of his vehicle, and I'd like to keep it that way.)  Usually, there is some awkward staring on each side, and we move on.  In a way, it's kind of sad.  As much as I've been tifrosh min hatzibur, I do genuinely like some of them.  However, for obvious reasons, I couldn't tell them what was going on.  I knew they would take Builder's side.  I have changed synagogues to avoid stalking, so a lot of people have now disappeared from my life.
But there is another side to that.
Because I no longer have Builder and his expectations of what good Jewish wives do breathing down my neck, I'm coming more into my own.  I'm getting out more.  I can spend more time with my allies without worrying about getting the third degree.  I can even create a Facebook page for my blog without worrying that it will get back to him.  I can make whatever I want.  Once my future is a little bit more certain, I want my children to know what real freedom is.  And, I can enjoy them more now.


  1. Following you on Facebook. Keep writing.

  2. Intrigued by your posts, I started going to newer ones.
    Your life seems to be spinning out of control. I hope you find some way of recognizing your ability to control things that happen to you and act on that ability.
    It must be tough, though, since you have to keep your children's needs and desires front of mind. How are you handling it? You don't appear to have any connections in your community--no positive ones, anyway. You've switched to a new shul. Who's watching your "Things" (good L-rd, how I hate your calling them that!!)? Are they always with you? Don't they miss their father? What do you tell them about him?

    1. To answer the question that you have chosen NOT to ask in a snide tone, I tell them that their father loves them and looks forward to their visits.


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