Sunday, June 23, 2013

Rape manual

Recently, over at Reddit, a guy calling himself TofuTofu (Ken Hoinsky) decided to promote himself as a dating guru and publish excerpts from his dating manual.  Then he decided to solicit funds on Kickstarter, and raised the funds necessary for a self-publish.  All well and good--the Internet is the ultimate land of free speech.  However, the book itself...
Most of these come straight from Chapter 7--Physical Escalation & Sex.  Comments in italics are mine.

"Just keep in mind that it's MUCH easier to enter into a fruitful relationship with a woman AFTER you've made her cum a half-dozen times. And that's true whether you're looking for a wife, girlfriend, friend-with-benefits, or anything in between."  Actually, that's not attractive to most women.  Or most people.  I know for me, there are some things (OK, a LOT of things) that a lady doesn't do on a first date.

"This scenario happens all the time. A man is on a date with a woman. The man fails to touch the girl and only goes in for the kiss at the end of the night. He goes home alone. His internal dialogue says, 'WTF why won't girls hook up with me? I guess I'm in the friend-zone again.'Riiight.  Because dating=scoring.  Whatever happened to letting a relationship develop?  Besides, the ones who kept their hands to themselves on the first date were pretty much guaranteed a second.  And, really, isn't that the point?

"From now on you must ASSUME that she is attracted to you and wants to be ravished."  Hey, idiot, according to the Merriam-Webster, "ravish" means "rape."

"Decide that you're going to sit in a position where you can rub her leg and back. Physically pick her up and sit her on your lap. Don't ask for permission. Be dominant. Force her to rebuff your advances."  Some women will rebuff this sort of advance, usually by "escalating" to a slap or a kick in a sensitive area.  Others will freeze up and just want it to end.

"If at any point a girl wants you to stop, she will let you know. If she says "STOP," or "GET AWAY FROM ME," or shoves you away, you know she is not interested. It happens. Stop escalating immediately and say this line:
"No problem. I don't want you to do anything you aren't comfortable with."
Memorize that line. It is your go-to when faced with resistance. Say it genuinely, without presumption. All master seducers are also masters at making women feel comfortable. You'll be no different. If a woman isn't comfortable, take a break and try again later."  First of all, how often has "no" been interpreted as "try again in five minutes" or "I'm just being a tease, but I really mean yes?"  More often than Mr. Hoinsky thinks.  This is the sort of advice that usually leaves a woman calling her best friend at 3 am, crying her eyes out.  NO MEANS NO EVERY TIME!

Pull out your cock and put her hand on it. Remember, she is letting you do this because you have established yourself as a LEADER. Don't ask for permission, GRAB HER HAND, and put it right on your dick."  I believe the law calls that "misdemeanor sexual abuse."  Again, would it hurt to ASK?

Gentlemen--Prove yourselves one, and DO NOT take this weirdo's advice.  Ladies--It is NEVER OK to be grabbed, forced, or touched against your will.  If you are with a man like this, get away!


  1. At least in the frum (presumably shomer negiah) world, you don't really have to worry about this.

    1. Are you a guy? Umm, I've had guys going up or trying to go up my skirt in kosher restaurants. I've had the guys I've been set up with by FFBs act like this, including guys who take the conversation sexual on the phone before I've ever met them. I usually don't meet them. I used to meet them and walk out on the date. Now I'm just like, "why should I go if I'm just going to regret it?"

      The unfortunate truth is that too many women ply themselves with alcohol and put up with this crap. They complain to their friends or whatever. How many times I've asked female friends why they put up with crap from guys, they giggle like bimbos and say they don't know. The handful of times I make a mistake, I OWN it. Why did I let him get away with that? because my female friends refuse to act like friends and I'm lonely and I own my mistakes.....

      The frum community is actually pretty bad when it comes to this stuff. The last guy someone set me up with, probably about a year ago, he tells me on the phone, "who do you live with?" and then because I live alone, "so I can come over and F*** you?" Me: "No, you can't" Him: "why not? You just said you live alone" Me: not responding but getting pissed off. I called the matchmaker the next day and she argued with me that she thought his behavior was ok. We had never met, never exchanged pictures. I stopped dating after that. I'm so sick of pushy arrogant men who don't respect me and all play the same head games that I see through.

      Oh and make no mistake, these are the same men who whine online that they are nice and that nice guys can't get a woman.

    2. I've never heard of such a thing! Did no one teach these kids how to be a Mensch? And what 'from' boy engages in premarital sex!?! (I've heard of such things on the upper west side, but not elsewhere, and my opinion of the upper west side is quite low.) Even guys who aren't shomer, isn't it the polite thing to assume the girl is and not touch her!? I can't believe what you wrote is a common thing! I've never heard of such a thing! Am I that nieve?

  2. Yes, frumgeek, you are naive.

    Some guys, all they want to do is f***.

  3. Michaltaskik is correct. A lot of guys, especially older ones (i.e. 30s/40s and up) behave in this manner. Worse they target non-FFB girls, who may or may not have had a 'past' (i.e. some girls became frum early in life or just didn't do certain things). Not that having a prior life or even a mistake in the recent past entitles any man to benefits.

    Doesn't matter how modest the girl dresses or if they are rather shy, the girl is somehow at fault. I've had shadchans yell at me that it's lashon hora to report such unsavory behavior. Even my own rav once told me the guy how I was 'misunderstanding the guy made a mistake and is sorry.' This guy happened to be related to a well known rav (well so are 100s of other folks).

    And yes, these are the men that whine all over the internet how nice guys can't find a nice Jewish girl to settle down.

  4. The book is disgusting. Frum guys don't know what normal sex, and here you are exposing the frum community to a book about abnormal sex (rape)! Why??? Do we need to hear this crap?

    1. Yes. The existence of this book needs to be established. Light is the perfect disinfectant. Without it, attitudes like these (which exist among both the secular and the fundamentalist worlds, make no mistake) are allowed to take hold and fester.

  5. Well, I am a gyoress whose parents are deceased. Am I a virgin? No and I won't deny that fact. I tell my non Jewish friends about this and I feel so embarrassed as they are like, Whaaaaa I thought religious men of any religion are supposed to be better men? They keep asking me why I converted to a religion where the men treat me like prostitutes. The ravs might sit in Yeshiva talking smack about non FFB women but it works both ways, the non Jews and non frum think horribly about Orthodox Jews. People always tell me how the Orthodox men are in the strip clubs. They tell me Friday night. I say, "no no no, they wouldn't break Shabbos but they will put dollar bills into the 'Shiksa' after Shabbos. It's Saturday that you see them."

    I tell my rabbi about how some of these men act and he always says, "that's disgusting!" but he and his wife have tried to trick me into bad set ups so many times.... I'm so sick of the way Jews think they are so much smarter than me as a gyoress. I am putting you all on notice, whatever you try to pull on me, is not going to work because I'm not stupid, it's just going to piss me off.


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