Stepford Wives--The Club!

For those of who who missed the Stepford Wives (and I am still trying to purge the 2004 remake from my mind--this post is only going to reference the Ira Levin novel and the 1975 film), the story is pretty simple.  An aspiring photographer, her lawyer husband, and their two daughters leave Manhattan for the suburb of Stepford, CT.  Joanna, the photographer, notices that almost every woman in Stepford is obsessed with domestic chores, dresses like a runway model, and looks gorgeous.  And they idolize their husbands.  However, there are a few exceptions--a couple of new arrivals who have other interests.  And then, they change.  Finally, just as Joanna is about to flee, she finds out the truth.  The local Men's Association has been bumping off the wives and replacing them with docile, beautiful robots.  The story was intended as a satire, and a warning about the need for feminism in a world where women are still expected to fill that role and be nothing more.
It was never intended as a suggestion.
While Googling the book and movie, I found there is an actual Stepford Wives Organization.  Turns out it's a group of housewives in Connecticut (surprise!) who have taken the Levin novel as a how-to guide, rather than a warning.  The group emphasizes submission to husbands, dressing conservatively but feminine outside the home and like some sleazy pin-up in the bedroom, working only if the husband asks, and being the perfect stay-at-home mom.  From their website:

Stepford Wives Organization is a website that supports the idea of the homemaking wife who is not only the cheery domestic goddess, but a fantastic dresser, neat as a pin, a lady with good manners, and a gracious, well-behaved, obedient wife who always puts her man first.

Stepford Wives Organization supports and promotes the Stay-At-Home-Mother.

Stepford Wives Organization celebrates the good housekeeping days of the 1950s.

Stepford Wives Organization also believes in the freedom for anyone and everyone to pursue their dreams. We never have a cross word to say about other people's decisions to lead their lives. If we have an opinion- which is seldom- we speak quietly to our husbands in the privacy of our homes. If we have an opinion on the matter, it would be our husband's opinion.

My personal favorite is the "Dressing" section--women are not only encourage to diet down to a frail figure, but are expected to adopt a hyperfeminine, "Daddy's Little Girl" look--ruffles, bows, tight dresses and skirt suits.  First of all, asking a grown woman to dress like "Daddy's Little Girl"--yeah, there's nothing pervy there.  Secondly, what message are we trying to send?  Most men would rather have a smart, competent woman as a lifelong companion, rather than a simpering idiot whose every thought is how can I please my may-unn.

In the "Pleasing Men" section, they take advice from the anti-feminist backlash literature of the 1960s and 1970s, including Fascinating Womanhood (written as a direct response to The Feminine Mystique), and Marabel Morgan's Total Woman.  Their etiquette section even goes so far as to suggest that women skip dinner in order to be on call while their husbands eat!  (And what could be better to keep that trim waist than living on the brink of an eating disorder?)

Now, I don't live in Connecticut, and these women wouldn't give me the time of day (From their blog: "none of us are Muslims or Jews"), so why does this bother me?  Because women like this vote (although they will only do so if they vote like their husbands)!  They have an Internet presence!  They may have countless people who agree with them!  (There is a blog called Ladies Against Feminism that wants to repeal the Nineteenth Amendment.  And then there's Debi Pearl, and her Created to Be His Help Meet, which essentially advocated the same thing.  People like this exist.)  While it's ideal for a husband and wife to mutually respect each other, organizations such as this are not advocating respect between two adults of comparable intelligence and ability, but a domineering man having complete sway over the simpering, passive, submissive girl-child that he now controls.  Even under the best of circumstances that can lead to resentment.  And when the circumstances are not the best--domestic abuse, isolation from friends and family, marital rape, financial control...

Again, please note that all links are for informational purposes ONLY.  I do not advocate any of the views presented in any of the websites linked. 

Siddurim and tefillos

Our mornings start with davening, and of course, we distribute siddurim.
Each of us has a siddur, ranging from the smallest (mine) to the biggest (Thing 2).  All three are from Artscroll, and each is for the appropriate level.  Mine is a battered, blue, pocket-size Artscroll Korban Minchah siddur with English and Hebrew.  Builder bought me some nameplates for my books, so my Hebrew name is on the cover.  Thing 1's siddur, less than a year old, is already staring to show some dog-earing where she flips the pages absently while davening.  It is the standard-size Artscroll Chaim Shlomo Chinuch Siddur, all Hebrew, and Nusach Sefard.  Thing 2 makes do with the picture-book siddur that Artscroll designed for children.  This is easily not my favorite.  Not only is it nusach Ashkenaz only, but it's missing some of the tefillos we've incorporated, such as Hallel (on Rosh Chodesh), Yotzer Ohr (and would it have been so hard to add one line to the Barchu page), and Tehillim perek 150 (which is shorter and a lot livelier than Ashrei, which they did include.  Nothing against Ashrei--I committed it to memory years ago and won Builder's heart that way--but 22 verses is a lot for a little kid.)  However, since Thing 2 is only on the cusp of learning nekudos, it really doesn't matter that I've had to improvise so much so that she has a page.  
My rule about davening is that we add, but don't subtract.  In other words, if the Things learn a tefillah in camp, davening group or elsewhere, we add it into our morning davening.  However, when Thing 1 told me that her camp skipped certain tefillos that I had made routine, I said.  "That's nice.  You're home now.  No more skipping."  As of now, our morning tefillos consist of the following:
Modeh Ani
Reshis Chochma
Torah Tziva Lanu Moshe
Ma Tovu
Adon Olam
Yigdal
Netilas Yadayim/Asher Yatzar
Bircas haTorah (but we skip the readings from the Mishna and the Talmud)
Bircas haShachar (first 14)
Tehillim perek 150
Barchu/Yotzer Ohr (Builder said it's OK to say this without a minyan, since it's for chinuch purposes.)
Shema/V'ahvta
First two brachos of Shemonah Esrei (eventually we'll add the third)
Aleinu, first half
Ani Maamim number 12 (not my idea, Thing 1 imported it from summer camp two years ago.)

The cardinal sin in any friendship...

...is an honest response.
Recently, I took one of those online Myers-Briggs personality tests.  The results were about what I suspected--I am an INTJ.  INTJ's are great at leadership and getting things done, but they have a hard time making friends.  Not only must we overcome our natural reserve to even get close to someone, but we value truth over social niceties.  So, when we're not biting our tongues in two trying not to say something (and thus feeling cynical about a friendship that we don't really trust), we say what we feel.  And that may not be what the other person wants to hear.
See, INTJ's see both sides of a situation.  We rely on our intuition and judgement (hence the N and the J), and we are not swayed by appeals to popularity or authority.  We question EVERYTHING.  It's a fun mental execise, but it doesn't make us too popular.  And, because we have built-in BS meters, we cut through the BS fairly easily and give direct answers (again, when we're not biting our tongues in two.).  This usually results in the other party hating us for not being supportive.

Parshat Beshallach--some more kol isha

  Feed the birds.  Do a mitzvah.  And if singing was good enough for Miriam, it's good enough for me.

I doubt he'll survive his sentence

Today, a NY state judge sentenced Nechemya Weberman, an unlicensed therapist convicted to 59 counts of sexual abuse against a girl who came to him for counseling when she was twelve, to 103 years in prison.  The abuse lasted three years and included a four-hour trip upstate.
This should be fun. 
First of all, Weberman is 54 years old.  If he begins his sentence today, he won't get out until he's 157.
Secondly, word travels fast in prison.  Child molesters are the lowest of the low in prison, hated by guards and inmates alike.  Sure, the system will keep Weberman in isolation--but he has to get out sometime.  And, if does end up in isolation, it means 23 hours a day in lockdown, with one hour outside.  No minyan.  No Daf Yomi.  Probably only supervised use of tefillin (the straps could be considered a weapon.).  Fear of reprisals from inmates who see him raping their little girls.
Finally, the judge also sentenced seven people of trying to intimidate the witness.  This case has blown the lock of a secretive community.  Hopefully the fresh air will get rid of the festering rot inside.

A dream realized

"I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.  I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: 'We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal.'"
Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., "I Have A Dream" speech, Washington DC, August 28, 1963

"I, Barack Hussein Obama, do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States."
Barack Hussein Obama, taking the oath of office of his second term as President of the United States, Washington DC, January 21, 2013

When ceremonies backfire

Last night, Builder and I went to my nephew's pidyon haben.  (As in, my nephew was the baby's father.  It's about the only time that it registers that Builder is older than me.)
As my nephew redeemed his new son from his uncle (who is a Kohen), I had to wonder--what would the Kohen do if the father said, "You know, I'm not really ready for fatherhood, and taking care of kids is more than my wife and I can handle right now.  You take the kid, and I'll keep the coins."
Now, I've only seen about three of these in my life, because they're extremely rare.  However, this is a serious ceremony that means something!  Parents are actually asked if they want to give their firstborn to the priesthood!  There is a chance that a parent my take the Kohen up on his offer!
It's like the chalitza ceremony.  A few years ago, I saw a TV movie called Loving Leah.  It was about a man whose brother became a BT, married a frum girl, and died young and childless.  The secular brother had to show up for chalitza.  However, he felt guilty about cutting off his brother for so many years, that he ended up marrying his sister-in-law.  Weird premise for a movie, but it proves my point.  These ceremonies actually mean something.  I'm sure that at some point there were parents who gave up their children to the priesthood, either out of poverty or some kind of "safe haven" because they were overwhelmed.  Like dumping newborns off at the firehouse.  A little something to think about at the next pidyon haben.