Wednesday was my court date. Because Builder violated the restraining order, I had him arrested, and the case was transferred to Integrated Domestic Violence, or IDV court. The IDV judge would decide everything having to do with the restraining order and with custody.
Now, when most of us think of "court," we think of scenes of witnesses testifying and being cross-examined, Law & Order-style. However, because this was "return of process," this basically meant a lot of quiet talking between Builder's attorney, my attorney, and the judge. The judge extended the restraining order into August. Then, it was time to deal with custody. However, Builder's lawyer said that Builder tried to have me arrested for kidnapping. This was not a smart move.
First of all, mixed among the various petitions, reports, and orders, there was no police report accusing me of kidnapping. None. There was a Domestic Incident report that said he violated the restraining order, but there was nothing on me. Secondly, I sat in my local precinct for two hours trying to get Builder served with the original restraining order. No one said anything to me about kidnapping my kids. Somehow, I don't think the NYPD has been taken over to that extent by the Keystone Kops.
Builder also stated that he had never been told to leave his house or escorted off the property. Again, since the police have done this far too many times (and once is too many), the judge did not believe him. Then his lawyer ordered a fact-finding hearing, saying that the restraining order was groundless. The judge, who by this time was getting thoroughly annoyed with Builder and his attorney, said that the original petition was sufficient, but that she would order a fact-finding hearing for July 2. That wasn't good enough for Builder, who wanted one that day. The judge snapped, "I have 750 cases on my docket today! I don't have time for this." Then Builder, who has been avoiding any and all responsibility for his children since Thing 1 was about six months old, tried to pass himself off as Father of the Year (copyright, trademark, patent pending). However, because of the earlier lies, his credibility was shot. The judge gave me custody, and Builder got visitation supervised by Rabbi Brooklyn.
We're back in court next month. The wheels of justice turn slowly.
A friend who is going through a similar (but not the same) thing told me it's very easy to prove her spouse is not Father of the Year. Does he know their pediatrician's name? When was their last visit? Friends' names? Preferred activities? You name it - he doesn't know it.
ReplyDeleteTesyaa, I don't know if your questions apply in this case.
DeleteThe children are home schooled in a community that does not approve of home schooling, and the mother has no supportive connections with her community. What friends could these children have?
The father probably knows all of their preferred activities--because they're always home!
Maybe you can get him on the pediatrician's name and the date of their last visit. However, most of the young mothers I know would be at a loss to remember the pediatrician's name. And if they remember every visit, they're not paying enough attention to their children's current needs!
I'm sure if you and the Aztec Queen put your heads together, however, you'll come up with some way of proving that the Aztec King is not Father of the Year.
You clearly have no understanding of homeschooling and do not read this blog. And, yes, I know my pediatrician's name, and could tell you my children's last visit. It was yesterday, for their annual camp physicals/well child visits.
DeleteYou don't know me but I've stumbled across your blog every so often. Just want to say I'm sorry you are dealing with this and glad you had the strength and courage to leave. Hope everything works out well for you quickly.
ReplyDeleteYou know what a divorce is? It's when two people decide they can't live with each other and therefore choose to give all their money to their lawyers.
ReplyDeleteIt's a shame the system is so convoluted and set up to be adversarial.
What a waste of time and, probably, money!
ReplyDeleteI think that when 2 people first decide to get a divorce, they should be locked in a padded room together--no lawyers, no judges--with soft, mushy bats and be allowed to slug it out. They can decide what works best--verbal assaults or bats. If they come to the point of exhaustion and still can't stand each other, then the lawyers can be allowed into the room.
You clearly missed the references to emotional abuse suffered. Being locked in a room with my husband and a rubber bat would be very traumatizing. I would be coerced into staying out of fear.
DeleteDo you honestly think that the vast majority of people who pursue divorces do so BEFORE the point of exhaustion? Even in communities where divorce is considered relatively acceptable and carries minimal social risk, I think that is a ridiculous, ignorant, and judgmental myth. I don't know one single person who's gotten a divorce for kicks and giggles. Why would anyone do that? It is a last resort and the last thing anyone going through it needs is uninformed, holier-than-thou suggestions from strangers.
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