Tuesday, September 11, 2012

What's in your head?

Builder is concerned about the effect I'm having on Thing 1 and Thing 2.  He's afraid that I want them to be "modern" (whatever that even means anymore).  Last week, he asked me, "How would you feel if one of our daughters married a boy who wears a shtreimel?"
As long as he's a decent human being, it doesn't bother me in the slightest.  I would give the same answer for every type of cover, from a shtreimel to a sruga.  I care more about what's in the head than what's on it.
I'm going to be every shadchan's nightmare when my girls grow up.  I care nothing about externals or how many blatt Gemara my potential son-in-law can parrot back.  I care about the inside.  What kind of person is he?  Is he considerate?  Does he work hard?  Will he respect independent-minded women?  Will he be a good father?  Does he respond well to setbacks?  Is he open-minded?  Is the Torah he studies in him as a way to live?  Does he love and respect his family?  Does he have a good, caring heart?  None of these questions can be answered by looking at shirts, hats, or tablecloths.  They can only come with time.


  1. It's very hard to figure out your family.

  2. Based on what an old acquaintance of mine told me he'd do, here's my question for any prospective boy that wants to so much as offer my little princesses a friendly "hello":
    "As the children of a successful physician, B"H, my daughters are used to a certain standard and style of living. I expect them to maintain this style once they're married even though I won't support them at that point. What are you going to do for a living to ensure they remain at the level they're accustomed to?"

    Garnel Ironheart

  3. I plan to ask these "chachamim" if they're smarter than Rashi. He managed to compose commentaries on the Chumash and Shas while making and selling wine in medieval France.


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